Posts tagged ‘hurt’

German Expressionism

Welcome back to school and ordinary life everyone. How are we all holding up? I sincerly hope you are all doing better than me. This Monday was so horible I had to come home and paint my nails chrome to make myself feel better… Im not a nail polish person, much, so this should tell you how bad it was.

Seriously, from waiting for the bus for half an hour, to lugging all my stuff around school… why do even the light books seem heavy after the dog days of summer???

Anyways, I think it’s just that I’ve got a really bad monday schedual… come to think about it I don’t htink I’ve got one good day. I mean who want’s to start off the week with a two periods of Chemistry and then another two periods of Geography (which would be fine if we didnt have the teacher we have… snooze FEST! except you can’t snooze cause he’s HYPERACTIVE!!!) then I have double Art… which could be ok except for two things:

1. The Harpies

2. The Expressionists

Ok so the harpies are a group of girls I have in my class, some of whom read this blog, though its no secret that I call them this and my teacher has actually agreed and started as well… Seee… if you know ancient greek mythologyu and know them, then it makes sense. Because they are so loud and screachy and then shit all over your food.

Ok so maybe thats a bit harsh… let me explain… So there’s this group of girls, who I have no hard feelings against, and can get along with each of them individually very well… but one of them alone is able to reach the decibell capacity of my ears, so I dread having them all together. Ok so four teenage girls. Sociallites, which we all know I’m not, who love to spend their time TITTERING away. Seriously, they even admit it, when I say they screach, they SCREACH!  So I’m in a bad enough mood by the time the first bell rings with a head ache and ringing ears, and then one of them or the other comes over and leans over my shoulder for half an hour before screaching “OMG i LOVE IT!!!” seriously, without fail, those words. Or else, it might be ‘OMG THATS AWESOME! ITS LIKE SO AWESOME!” which, sure thanks for the praise and all, get on my nerves. Or as my favourite Greek saying going “Kanei tsourekia ta nevra mou!” (braids my nerves). Not only is it the lack of elloquence or the invariability of the “compliments” or if its the high pitched tone of the voice or the colloquial manerism in which it is said… I dont know which but all to gether they make me feel as if its not such a compliment. It certainly doesn’t feel sincere, though I don’t know if it is, so who am I to say? That’s the shitting on you food when your starving bit. Because whether you think what you’re working on is utter crap (which for me it is alot of the time) or if you think its actually pretty good for once (which it can sometimes be) it just makes me feel more crappy about the work. Either that they’re taking the mickey out of me by sayin that something that is crap is good as though I don’t know the difference, or by saying that something is “good” (air quotes= not so good… crap) when I actually think it’s half decent for once and not fully worthy of the garbadge can… 😦

Maybe worst of all though is how horrible they seem to know me, after all these years… I mean they KNOW I’m clausterphobic, and I make a point of telling them that and how that’s why I don’t want them to lean over me… Instead all they do is take a step back, which in a way makes it even worse, knowing that their there but not RIGHT there… you know when not knowing is worse than knowing… and second of all… they KNOW that I HATE Compliments because they all seem insincere to me. oK not all… I can tell some real ones, but they still make me feel really self conscious… so all in all I end up feeling like they are attacking me… making me feel bad about myself…  which wouldn’t be entirely possible seeing as there are only about 8 girls in the class and two boys and the boys are both quiet and the harpies make up about 5 of the girls… And incase anyone should read this, you know, I shouldn’t even have to say, that I don’t feel that way about you guys… I just can’t stand being in a room where I’m supposed to be expressing myself but end up feeling oppressed anyways, for two and a half hours a week with you guys…

I don’t think you read this anymore though. I’m not interesting enough. XD

Have you guys ever felt personally assaulted and attacked by a group of people that you used to consider friends? Silly question, I know. How about having been attacked and not having known why? I odften get callled out when I actually voice my oppinion. Any advice on how to deal with people when they treat you lik that? I try to just keep my cool rather than blwoing my top, but then my indifference to their oppinions on my oppinions get me called out as an emo, even though, my love affair with bright vibrant colours and desire to keep my hair out of my face would depict me as anything but…

ok so what makes art lessons even worse right now is that we are studying German Expressionism. I mean, I like seeing it sometimes. I like how it can make me feel what the subject felt, which is moer often than not despair and greif and hunger and such… but I just don’t enjoy doing it. I mean who likes doing something that they know they aren’t very good at and don’t enjoy? As an exercise we took pictures of ourselves in a german expressionistic pose and printed out many copies, tapped them to the windows and drew on the back with bold black lines to eliminate the details and lines we didn’t want (cause our final aim is to transfer the image to a piece of lino and do a lino cute of it, which you know I love…) And so I started off with some pictures of notme 😛 One was this indian woman which I thought was really interesting, though the printer faded the ink on the most interesting section so I couldn’t really do it well, and a piece of Mother Theresa, I think it was… So these two wrinkly old women (no offence…)

And one of them actually looked pretty good… but then one of the art teachers ruined my finally lifting spirits (I had to sit on a desk too, to get to the window 😛 ) by saying that I couldn’t use those in my lino cut because I didn’t take the pictures… And when I told him I really didn’t want to do one of myself, he said, well then go and find someone in the room and get them to pose and take a pictuer of them and do that… NO BLOODY THANK YOU… I’LL SUFFER WITH A SELF PORTRAIT THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! lot of bloody help he was! I’m not about to ask someone in my art class to pose for me, especially when I’m the one with the camera phobia. I mean its just mean to not like something and so inflict it on someone else… Would you?

So for the time being, since there were only another 30 minutes left in the class and it would have taken longer to take another picture and print it in the dodgy printer… so I stuck with the others that had been printed already. The teacher who had told me off though, had been working on a picture of me since the begining of the lesson. See how come his turned out so good and mine turned out like crap? I’ll have to put up a pic of mine and his. His was much nmroe expressionistic than mine. Mine was just fail line drawing…

Does anyone have really strong feelings on post WWI german expressionism? It’s kinda love or hate so who loves it and who hates it?

Any ideas, other than earplugs, to improve the art lessons?

sigh…

I can’t stand writting such a wholly negative post so Imma change the topic.

Has anybody read the book “Shiver” or any of the “wolves of Mercy Falls” series or any other book by Maggie Stiefvater? I really love her writting. She’s great. I loved shiver. It really touched me. Ten times better than the twilight craze. I actually cried durring the last chapter, and I don’t normally cry for movies… and even though it was just comfortably predictable.

Well even if you haven’t please go on Amazon and read the first few pages and then join the page on Facebook that is trying to get it made into a movie. It really should. It would be an awesome movie, though the book was just plain incredible.

Are there any other books that you would like to see made into a move? I normallyu refrain from wanting a book to be made into a movie, if its good. otherwise i the idea is good but the writter wasn’t all that great, then I say sure, but normally the movies just ruin it. With shiver though, i just think it deserves to be made into a movie! It was so great it deserves the publicity! Kudos Maggie!

Its Saturday… Sit back, relax, and watch a feel good film.

Well everyone,

I have to write tonight. The blog is one week old. And I am officially a blogger… I think.

But I warn all, this is gonna be a bit of a short post. My hand still hurts, and when I tried to play violin today it REALLY hurt despite how I thought it wouldn’t hinder me. I had to put ice on it again; much to my annoyance. I hate being injured, held back, vulnerable, weak and all in all, just generally unhappy. All because I’m a horrible horrible klutz.  And you thought ballerinas were graceful… pfttt!

We might be, but when we are totally… well if your me… then constantly… a klutz. There’s no other way to describe it. When we were kids, I was the last one to graduate from the plastic childish, unbreakable, ME- proof cups to proper glasses. Even my twin was using a proper glass on a regular basis months and months before me…

Well I’m not going to write for too long. I want to rest it for the concert. My sister will be singing, luckily she never injures her vocal chords. Shes singing the lovely “Summer TIme” and she has a beautiful voice for it.

So anyways, Instead of doing homework or practicing violin, I’m watching back to back movies on t.v. One was “the nany diaries”. a very good feel good movie. so sweet. It was the first time id seen it. Now to contrast, is “Proof” which has just started. It seems quite dark.  But I think I will like it anyways. I will try to write more during the commercial, but right now, I want to watch…

Happy Birthday!

On a bit of a lighter note today, I would like to wish happy birthday to Mr. Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky.  Today he turns 170 years old.  that is, if he had been alive. But I think his is a birthday worth remembering. I personally love Tchaikovsky’s music. Since I was a little girl wanting to be a prima ballerina I’ve dreamed of the day I would don my pointe shoes and perform a dance, any dance, to one of Tchaikovsky’s world renown ballets be it Swan Lake, The Nutcracker or even Sleeping Beauty.  And then later on, I’d watch the ballets or hear the music and not know which I wanted more; to be front and center on top of the stage or front and center beneath it, in the orchestra pit.

I started dancing as soon as I could stand, and my mother first enrolled me in lessons when I was only 2 and a half. She was scared that if I kept trying to be prima ballerina without proper training I would go skidding around the house until I had managed to seriously hurt myself. I started with ballet but slowly took on more dance styles. Sadly, as all things good must come to an end, I ended up having to limit what I did outside school and now I only have time to do ballet and a jazz mixed course and of course my musical theater workshop which runs for half the year.

Music, well I started that later on, when I was about 6 and a half I held my first violin. I had admired them since I was little too. Always leaning over in my seat when the orchestra began to tune, and then at intermission I’d lean further over to see the violins and violas lying there beside their larger sister the cello. I always had a particular attraction to the violin and cello. I wanted to start cello when I was finally old enough to play in the school orchestra.  But my fingers were to short, so instead I stuck with violin which I had already been playing for around three years.

And that was 7 years ago.

But anyways… Back to Tchaikovsky.

Does anyone else have any opinions on his works? I love them all, and 90% of the time, what I am humming (which I do constantly- much to my mother and one brother’s annoyance) it is one of his overtures, or themes, or symphonies… It is annoying, sometimes even for me having these songs going around in my mind constantly, but how can you mind when it is so beautiful!?

I’m sorry this post has taken so long to write folks, and im sorry its so untypically short, but I’ve been typing with either one hand, or very painfully and slowly with both, and can’t really bring myself to type much more. Stupid clumsy me has totally messed up her left hand today, or else the right had bad karma against it…I get home, desperately needing a cup of nice relaxing black tea, and while taking out the pot to put water in, manage to smash my hand with such huge force against the oven door handle. Luckily I got the bit between your thumb and forefinger, you know that soft part where there is nothing? Well thank goodness I smashed my hand there, because there was so much force I think I would have broken a bone… Its already swollen and bruised just a couple of hours later, and then later I tried to close the door. By just pushing it with my palm SOME HOW my pinky got cuaght between the metal door and the doorframe. needless to say more bruises…But to top it all off, I twisted my wrist while trying to pick up my heavy back pack full of textbooks for revision… and to think I was using both hands…

Oh well, if it still hurts tomorrow as much as it does today I will go the emergency room. Though I doubt anything is broken, and thank goodness for that! I have a violin concert on Monday, and YES I am playing Tchaikovsky’s Chanson Triste, sad song. Its very sad and ha plenty of vibrato as in the classic Tchaikovsky fashion. I hope I’ll manage to do the piece justice…

More tomorrow, hopefully.

Well there better be. The blog will be 1 week old tomorrow at 8 oclock at night!

Alas, if I type any more I fear I will sprain something, so good morning/day/evening/night everyone!